Well, the ACLU’s been asking me for a donation
Saying they’re protecting allĀ  my freedoms
Like how to talk and when to pray and whether I wear clothes
Those are all good freedoms, I agree we need ’em

But I guess they ain’t traveled by my house in a while
And seen all the jeeps and tanks and tents
Well, let me tell you something, Mr. ACL of U
You’re ignoring our most crucial amendment

Chorus:
Now I got no time for sergeants
And I’m sick of this general mayhem
It’s a major inconvenience
This corporal punishment
I got lieutenants in lieu of tenants
And I don’t think I’m being petty, officer
To insist upon my rights under our Third Amendment

I got grunts in my bathroom
Seamen in my bed
A great big unit in my private parts
And every one of them soldiers claims to be against the draft
Then why do they drink up all my beer every time the party starts?

Chorus

If our founding fathers were alive today
They’d be rolling over in their graves
Trying to get to the Presidents’ Day sale at Sears
And spending all the money Jesus saves!

Chorus