Haven’t seen you since junior year
When you slept with my girlfriend and stole allĀ  my beer
But all’s forgiven when you reach a certain age
Welcome, friend, to my Facebook page

Hello, Aunt Gladys, you couldn’t be cuter
Didn’t know you even had a computer
Yeah, I’ve heard about that internet, I hear it’s all the rage
Climb onto my Facebook page

All my friends are here with me stacked up in little boxes
The stoners and the loners and the former high school prom queen foxes

Half my friends are vegetarian
TheĀ  other half love Jesus and guns
So praise the lord and pass the twelve-guage
On over to my Facebook page

Half my friends are vegetarian
The other half love Jesus and guns
And then there’s me, just pacing the cage
Over on my Facebook page

I wonder what would happen if you all met face to face
I’d probably have to change my name and start all over on MySpace

There’s TVA (he’s an authority, son)
There’s JWP (he’s a Republican)
There’s Weatherfield and Miss Fussy Britches
Man, I really love you sons of . . .

. . .which is the reason that I wrote this song
I’ve known some of you forever and some of you not all that long
So I know you’ll forgive me if I’m going through a stage
Over on my Facebook page

Support our troops, Vote No Prop 8
Spay or neuter your Holstein cow
Tag me in a list, yes, if you insist
I’d love to see what you’re baby’s doing now

Here, let me scribble something on your wall
Give me a poke, I’ll throw you a snowball
That’s the level of communciation in which I wish to engage
Over on my Facebook page